Today, we suffered the indignity of a visit to the vet. Hmph! Canine friends, have you ever been to such a place?

It starts out with your person saying “We’re going for a ride in the car!” But don’t be fooled. You’ll be driving along, wondering where the heck you get to go, and all of a sudden–bam! The scent of it’ll hit you like fresh shampoo from a bath. The vet! There is nothing quite like the smell of the vet. There’s the exciting smell of other animals, the intriguing smell of all the people who live in the vet building, and the yucky smell of mediciny-things.

And that’s just what we smelled today. Our person told us we were so wild we’d “sleep good tonight.” We sleep good every night, so we don’t know what she was talking about. She tried to get a picture of us “being excited.” Here’s how it came out:

See, what happens is: when we get to the vet, our person doesn’t let us in right away. She makes weird hand gestures through the glass window at the people sitting behind a counter. Then she brings us in real quick-like. Other dogs get to go on the scale there near the counter, but we’re too special for that. What happens when we get to the vet is, they say “Oh, it’s Leia and Yoda. We’ll get you to your own room real quick.” Then they come around and open up our own very special room so we don’t have to wait in the waiting room with all the other dogs.

It’s nice to be special.

We don’t know why our person turns bright red and tells us we’re too loud and barky. She should be thanking us for letting her have the royal treatment. But instead, she always says confusing things like, “I wish you two would just behave” or “Quiet, Yoda.”

Anyway, what happens next is, we have to listen real careful-like. Here is a picture of us listening:

What are we listening for? First of all, the person behind the desk keeps saying “hello” into that hand-held ringy thing. We can hear it even through the closed door of our own private room. Whenever we hear the word “hello,” it means someone has come into the room to greet us, so as soon as we hear it, we bark. Our person makes no sense. She usually responds by saying weird words like “Quiet” or “That’s just on TV. No one’s here.” What the heck does that even mean?

We heard the person behind the counter say “hello” quite a few times, and we were sure to bark each and every time–like good corgis should.

Then someone said “hello” right in our room. It was a person with a leash, and we knew she was coming to take us away. She always does. She always asks for Leia first, and Leia was on it! She ran between the two chairs in the room. It is the only place to hide in that room:

But that lady was clever and saw Leia hiding there. She got her anyway.

What happens next is beyond the realm of dignity, so we aren’t going to write about it. But talk about being poked and prodded! Leia always makes sure she squeals bloody murder and kicks and squirms as much as possible. Just because we have to suffer indignities doesn’t mean we have to go down without a fight!

While this is happening, I–Yoda–get quite upset. It’s important that I listen to make sure my sister is squealing loud enough. It doesn’t matter that she probably woke up people in the next zipcode. I’ve got to listen. I even stop barking when the person out in the waiting room says “hello.” Here’s what it looks like to listen for your sister squealing:

But because she’s so squirmy, my sister takes way too long getting prodded, and a dog can’t help but get sleepy, especially after the excitement of the morning:

When my sister finally comes back, I know it’s my turn. How do I know? I have to sniff her real good. She smells like someone’s perfume and like mediciny-things. She’s extra squirmy when she gets back. I know I’m supposed to be a good dog and go with the person holding the leash, but I want to make my objections known. So I look at my person and ask with my sad eyes, “Really???” Maybe if I look at her hard enough, she won’t make me go.

She says, “Yes, really, Yoda. You have to go. I’ll be right here waiting.”

In the meantime, my sister has been freaking out in the waiting room. While I’m being taken for blood work, she tries to tug at the leashes to drag our person home:

Come ON, person. Let’s get the heck out of here!

Of course, I know my person would never leave without me, no matter how demanding Leia is.

Once the vet has looked us over, we are ready to go. We’re still upset because the vet said, “Leia acts pretty typical for a corgi, based on what I’ve seen.” What does that mean? He should know better than to test the dignity of a corgi! Hmph!

But I digress.

Once our person lets us leave, we know our time at the vet is coming to an end, so we must be as loud as possible. If we should happen to see a ferret being dropped off for dental work, we should bark and howl at it. If we see a person dropping off a cat for daycare, we should growl.

And we do. How we do!

Why, oh why, does our person always take us to the car and then go back into the building, telling us she “has to pay” before we can go home?

Oh, she’ll pay alright. She’ll pay for making us go to the vet. We have it all worked out. After returning home, we have a plan:

1. Drink the entire bowl of water.

2. Spit up part of said bowl of water.

3. Drink up the part we spit up.

4. Act pathetic and clingy. Receive treat.

5. Take a nap. For about twelve seconds.

6. Run to door. Cry. Get let out.

7. Stand outside and do nothing. Refuse to come when called.

8. Come running when our person utters, “Treat!”

9. Take a nap.

10. Act pathetic and clingy again. Get petting and cuddles. Get treats from all members of the household.

11. Take another nap. Make it impossible for our person to be productive (ex: lick laptop, push laptop off of person’s lap, bark at random noises)

That usually works pretty well, and our person doesn’t dare take us to the vet for about a whole year or so. You should totally try it.

Wishing you a vet-free day!

-Leia and Yoda Corgi